Minds Compass

This entry is to relate to those of you whom have ever had the impression that your mind is a maze, one that even you yourself have to use a compass to navigate through.

More often than not, my thoughts are better sorted and expressed through written words than the splatter effect they tend to have when I speak out loud. How often I dream of being able to articulate my verbatim as care free and easily as my mind would have me believe I process and think my thoughts. You don’t have to trust that they’re brilliant. But, as it stands (since it’s my own imaginary world) I will continue in my state of disillusionment. And in this state, to believe that the raw inter-workings of my intellect do make sense, though their articulation be ill-represented. My wish-full hope is that someday we will be able to read them in a biography God writes for each of us, or perhaps watch them played out on His big screen (in a plot that actually makes some sense). It would make it commonsensical for those not in my mind (that is, everyone besides myself) but a pure sanity test for myself. Like a revelation of, “oh yea, it did make sense after all. I see it now.”

I fear that even this depiction of my desire to convey my frequent frustration at lack of perfect communication is simply another unclear thought that I can’t quite accurately illustrate. How does one begin to try describing how their own mind works to another whose mind functions so completely uniquely different? Or does it really think and process as diversely as I would believe we all do. Have you ever had the sensation that you are the only one that thinks just the way that you think? That you’re completely alone in the imaginations you conjure up? Like, what if the color I saw as red , was the same color you saw as blue? But since, for each of us, that’s what we’ve always seen the color as, we can really be seeing each other’s red as blue and blue as red and still agree that it’s the same color. When in reality, where no one but God sees things as they really are, our perceptions of colors are completely off base from one another. Did that make sense? This question completely boggles my mind, and the harder I try to think about it (or any other similar question my psyche toddles with) the more my mind seems to twist, turn and spin within the confines of my skull. As if, if it could break free from the bone barriers of my human structure it could grasp the concept it’s trying so hard to understand. My questions continue to trail on. How if my mind is so perplexing to me, can I ever hope to transport even the slightest hint of what I’m really thinking through our means of communication? Why was telepathy not given as a spiritual gift?

Tell me, those of you that are reading this, what your impressions are. Perhaps we’ll understand each other. But then again, maybe we won’t, not even in the slightest.

Three weeks is the longest chunk of time I've been home in over a year. Being new to the independence of college, it still catches me off guard when I think about the long absences from my family. When August hit in 2007, I was off and running. Well, sprinting more like, and I never slowed down. From one extreme to another, having family rules to basically no rules, or relaxing after a day at high school to having no end to college activities, the adjustment just happened all too naturally. However, my momentum has caught up with me and the break has been much needed and well used. Thoroughly enjoying the time to relax, recoup, and rejuvenate, I don’t want it to end.

I am looking forward to the next two months of self-study and complete flexibility of time. Goals range from habituating myself with healthy ideals to disciplining myself in studies. It’s proving more difficult than I expected, and easier for me to think up excuses not to do my course work. However, I am excited to study my subjects and have more time spend on them. I’ll be giving more details as they come together.

The Bergining

I shiver at the idea of scribing out my thoughts for others to read. Perhaps it’s the semi-permanence of my words being posted for others to reference that makes my mind a little queasy. For alas, now, I have more than my own mind to hold accountable the crazy brainchilds of thought I scheme up. Like doodling thoughts in a diary, as time goes on I'll reminisce on the beliefs, opinions, and judgments of such epochs in my life, and smile at the very least. However, this is public. So please, laugh with me :).
I aspire to share my life with whom and what I love, to live unconditionally for a life of purpose, making the most of every opportunity and holding no regrets. I see no other ends to this means than through a surrendered heart, mind and soul to Christ. So please join me, and share with me the experiences I encounter as I thrive in this gift of existence.